Away n Back :( n :)

Dr Beezle's blog

Bright and beautiful morning it was, I could hear the birds tweet “Today is gonna be a great day”. I stretched well, checking the time to know how long I will spend on my devotion (I’m a Christian by Faith)

“What in the world 6.50am?” I exclaimed. I’ve been awake since 5am, I just couldn’t stand up (Please Don’t judge me, I’m not lazy, time flies). You know, that “Oh my exam is in an hour, at a 45 minutes-drive location, and I haven’t had my bath” moment? I rushed up, rubbed and shined (Nigerian Slang for not having your bath, just washing up parts of your body and making up to cover up) picked my back pack and rushed out of the room. I got to the ground floor to discover I didn’t brush my teeth. I shrugged “oh well, it happens sometimes, thank God for minty chewing gums” (Still…

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Looking for Food

Hi ya’ll.
I think this would be the first time I’m having a guest writer on my blog. She’s a long time friend and she decided to give writing a shot. She’s an avid reader and one of my best critic. Please read, enjoy and comment, she’d very much appreciate comments and honest feedback.

Yes, I know the first thought on your mind is ‘food?’ This write -up is about Friendship.
Some of us stay away from certain type of foods, we also have foods we give minimal thought to as well as some food we cannot do without. Sometimes when these foods in the last category disagree with our digestive system, we get sick for a while and nonetheless we go back to it. That is the way I see life and friendship. Some people we know, but keep at bay, some others are in the ‘acquaintance’ pool, while others we just can’t do without; the inner circle. A lot of people have a large number of friends in the second category which may consist of even their own relatives.
This crossed my mind recently. I had to move from one state to another because of school, and my inner circle happened to be scattered all over the country, suddenly I was in the midst of people whom I had little or no rapport with. I went to school with a few of this people, whom larhgely made up my ‘acquaintance’ pool *wipes sweat*…. I know right. So here was my dilemma- it’s either I die of loneliness or I make new friends (it’s been sooo sooo long since I did that). Making new friends looked like hard work as I’m not a particularly interesting person. I later decided to take it as it comes. And so I met some beautiful people, fun loving and intelligent too. Wahala started at this point- acquaintance pool or inner circle??? This was borne out of the fact that I grew up with the notion that keeping friends as a lady was somewhat unhealthy.
At this point, I reminded myself of the good times I once had with my ‘inner circle’ and filled my soul with the memories of our times together. A bunch of crazy, fun-loving girls who are God-fearing and remained strong while facing life head-on despite the many hurdles of life that surfaced (oh!we did have truckload of hurdles). We are one-small happy family which has extended to our siblings and parents with plans to raise our kids together In shaa Allaah. I hold on, hold on, hold on till the day we will all be together again (maybe at Dee’s or WYS’ wedding…lolz) and enjoy our numerous laughter as we used to.
So this is just to bear in mind the whole essence of friendship and not taking it for granted whilst remembering that the world is filled with about 7billion other people and it’s a nice and bright day to meet people and make some new friends.
DEDICATED TO THE EMM GIRLS

the way to a man’s heart

I woke up on the bright side this morning, 8:30am to be precise, I have self imposed work free fridays and I am craving for something my hands cannot cook, only a gifted woman’s hands can. I re-affirm my conviction to marry a woman who is seasoned in the ways and manners of the Samaurai Art of Kitchen Warfare, one who can whip up a good meal and not be fatigued. A good meal should follow good sex, brothers can I get an Amen?.
They do not come cheap, especially in this noodles era. Processed food is the devils reply to the age long quote that says; the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. The devil laughs behind an unseen screen and watches how we all feed ourselves cancer. I laugh knowing that the lowest place in hell fire is reserved for him. Gotcha didn’t I.
I digress. They do not come cheap, women who are swift on their African feet, and whose hands can cut, turn, dice, chop, stir and shove food in the war room popular called The Kitchen. You might be thinking I love food, and I am one of those men who can be jazzed/poisoned/numbed/stoned with food. Well, if you must know, in the year of our lord 1990, I was made immune to all that trickery. No woman can make me fall for her by black magic, except with the sincererity of sweat and adept cooking skills. Then I’d be glad to be your mugu.
Take a second to picture a man who is angry and shouting at his wife, then she serves him and he starts eating. Do you think he can eat a sweet meal and shout at the same time? No, God didn’t make man with that much sophistication. By the slightest possible chance, if he can, then it means either his mother or his mistress can cook better than you, then you have to do something about all these flies perching on your property, but I am not an expert in that field, you can make adequate consultation elsewhere. I know men who can sign a blank check while eating. Real talk.
What really is the price of a woman who can cook. You must know that many extra qualities if added to being a good cook makes the bride more worthy, especially to a fine brother like me (if I don’t wash myself, who will)
Before concluding this post I’d like to apologise to a group of women who may feel discriminated against. May God whose mercy is limitless grant your hearts succour, we men don’t care much about you. For those who think beauty is enough to trap a man, well I think you are just very bad economist. Do you know that its cost just about 25,000naira to get into a cooking program, may even be less. Now, do you know how much a life time of Marykay cost? Add the cost of a face lift every 2years when you hit 35, and boobs, stomach and buttocks enhancement? (*sigh* it is really a mans world, no time for that BS). But if you can could cook, you may not need this much reconstruction. Let me quickly add that being a good cook isn’t a guarantee that he will never leave, but chances are high that he will always come back.
So how much is a woman that can cook really worth? Well, I couldn’t find a concrete figure in the Quran or Bible, so under divine guidance I profer a possible figure. After much adding and no subtraction, I arrive at a close figure- ‘Priceless’. The woman is priceless. But her father should fear God and remember that I am still hustling and be kind to a brother when I go to pay her dowry.
Panel of judges, co-debaters and my audiences, I hereby hope I have been able to convince you and not confuse you that a wife’s greatest quality is her cooking.

*dusts hands* 11th commandement sayeth, o ye feminist, thou shall not build tents in my comment section.
Dedicated to all the stealth armoured chefs that makes their husbands happy, and all the Ibadan women who make Amala feel so heavenly. True samurai’s *takes a bow*
A minute silence to all the male folks who have burnt their fingers trying to steal a piece of meat from a hot pot of stew.

Forever in my Heart

I have been itching to write again for a long time, a simple story, not necessarily a brilliant one, but it must be a soothing one. For days, no muse, no plot, I. tossed my imaginary manuscript into an imaginary trash can and wished a new story would write itself. It is not writers block, I doubt if I ever have that, its just the need to get it right, to tell a tale that comes from within, a lot of truth with a pinch of fiction and little or no exaggeration. Maybe I’d just stretch the descriptions of the emotion to let the reader really connect, but like Kiah, my sinsei says, make it original, make it true.
So this sunday morning I dug into my memory to find files I may have buried in brain fluids (not dust), to relive memories that were once my reality, and once, they were all that my life was about.

1996. I was shorter than most boys but Suleiman was shorter than I was, he was never going to be tall. But what he lacked in height, he made up for in brilliance. He comfortably led tests and exams and I was proud to be his friend. You could mostly find us together. The third part of our triplet was Olumide. All three of us were handsome but Olumide’s light skin knocked us of the shelves, and he was also brilliant so it seemed I was the small fish of the group, but my friends never made me feel that way. We all were in the top 7 in our class, of course I held the seventh position, while my childhood crush, Oyinkansola, held on to the second position till we lost Suleiman to another school. That was the first time I lost him and it wasn’t going to be the last.
To be honest, my memory does not have many vivid pictures of our times together and the games we played, but I have strings of memories that I could possibly piece together to make a big picture. Even though he was full yoruba, I think he had this strange Hausa beauty underneath, maybe somewhere in his lineage, someone had married a northerner. But wait, I think his family is from Kwara, and of course many Ilorin people have that Fulani blood underneath. I dunno, I can’t find him to ask him.
If you are reading this, know that I pray for you. They say all children go to heaven so I am comforted that you are in a better place. Life wasn’t what I expected it to be, for the most part its been a bumpy ride. You didn’t grow up to work in Jebba like your dad. You could talk endlessly about him and how you wanted to be an Engineer like him. Well, I also didn’t turn out to be a Doctor like my dad. I crashed out of medical school like a plane that suddenly lost all its engines in the air, and I spent the next 5years finding who I really am. Still haven’t completely figured that out.
This earth stinks, but once in a while you get that ray of sunshine that gives you hope. My mother is a diva. I finally stopped living in my brother’s shadow and wanting to be like him, he is just too awesome I can’t compete, he is Legendary and I am, me. I still think he is the ‘awesomest’ person ever though. You can say I grew up with a sorta personality disorder, I was always looking for something or someone to believe in, first it was my Dad, then my tall fine brother..lol, then it was Mubarak (a true blood), then the club lights and heavy speakers. Recall that I said my mother is a diva? Its ‘cos all through this period, she stayed, bless her soul she stayed and she is still here.
All the while I felt as if I was looking for a high, and the club lights and speakers were close to it but I couldn’t get my fill, I always wanted more. You see spirituality is different, it is as though you are floating, limitless, contended. God, He is all shades of cool
I fell in love bro, twice, I can’t say it was worth it and I can’t say it wasn’t, but it was a hellish season, sweet little angels, God bless their souls. You know what they say, no love lost, no love found. I really wish I was more patient and more matured before I ventured into such business. Yesterday is gone, there is a girl in sight now, but I’m too drained and there is still too much to accomplish, so I’d just let someone else have her. You remember how we hated girls? I kept my crush a secret from you so that you and Olumide wouldn’t tease me, *sigh* days of our lives. Olumide and I didn’t keep in touch, I saw him a few years ago, he should be an Architect now.
I am not proud of the life I have lived but I am proud of the man I have become. It scares me to death that I don’t know how many days left for me. I dunno when it’d be that I’d come up there, pray for me like I pray for you. Somehow I feel as though you were luckier, we know you are in a better place and I am still striving. I hope to see you when I get there, let’s continue where we left off.

For Suleiman, tears are not enough, good memories are what you deserve.
Inallilahi wa innaillaehi rajjiun

Becoming Mrs.

Thank you for visiting this blog again.
PS: The characters potrayed in this post are fictional 🙂
Part1
I am breaking up with him’ I told my twinnie, Fola. We both stood in her kitchen eating leftovers of her children’s meal.
Are you mad?’ she screamed at me, dropping the mug so that her tea and the pieces of the mug were sent in different directions of the kitchen floor.
Shhh, you want to wake up your kids? You know how hard it was putting them to sleep’ I said
‘Tope, again, are you mad? Wait sorry you must be mad, without any doubt, you must be’ she said, this time in a much more subdued voice, she knew the last thing she wanted to do was to wake her 2 troublesome kids up. We were the same age, but raising her two kids had made her age almost 5years more than me only after 3years of marriage. The excess fat she carried in her arms, stomach and buttocks was another story.
No, Fola, I am not. What kind of statement is that? I chuckled’. I didn’t know which one made me laugh more, her confused facial expression or her insistence that I was mad.
Tope, you have been going out with this same guy for almost seven years and you chose now to break up? When you are almost 29? Were do you want to start from. How on earth do you intend to break up with him? What do you think people will say? Who will date an old hag like you? Tope, this is a joke right?
I was trying to laugh again but the sound from my throat seemed forced as I stared at my best friend of fifteen years. I wanted to make light the issue.
‘Twinnie, I have been thinking of cool ways to break up, I think Id just walk up to him in his office and just raise up a red card and walk away, or maybe Id post it on his facebook wall’
Fola kept stared blankly, she wasn’t buying any of my jokes so I had to stop. I reached out to her to hug her but she had gotten annoyed and pushed me aside to look for a mop and broom. When she found it I tried collecting one from her but she didn’t budge.
‘Tope, leave me, just leave me’ her eyes were red.
I stood as she cleared the mess. The laughter I tried to create seemed to have offended her, but how would she know that I have also carried the pain of letting my boyfriend go for many weeks.
When she got up, I saw tears rolling down her cheek. I could not hold it any longer again; I let mine roll too for the umpteenth time.
I swear, I’ve tried Fola, I’m just tired, and there is nothing I haven’t tried’. I said amidst hot tears rolling down my cheeks. Fola never could watch me cry, she forgave me instantly. She hurried to where I stood immediately and hugged me, even though I was much taller than she was, she managed to give me a soothing hug.
‘Fola, look at me now, look at me, I am 29, we are the same age and you are married with two kids, two’ I said, holding two fingers in the air. ‘fola, I have hinted him, talked to him about his parents meeting mine, I even took him jewellery shopping once under the guise of buying a new necklace, I thought he’d look at the ring section so that I’d know that there is still hope, bestie, nothing, he was totally nonchalant. He even hurried me up, he said he had somewhere to be. I am no more the young girl of yesterday now. I have so many Ankara’s from friends wedding, I swear if another girl calls me to buy Ankara I will just swear for her’
Fola finally burst into a short laughter. ‘Is it their fault that you are not married, bad belle’
Mchteeew. Babe, I am tired, people are asking questions. The other day my mum called me aside at my cousins wedding and asked if I was planning to make her this happy before she dies, I cried out of the arena babe. The only thing I have not done now is get on one knee and ask Le boo to marry me, and over my dead body, I will never do that.
Fola’s tear rolled slowly down her cheeks, she couldn’t stand seeing me in that much pain, somehow she understood, she always did. ‘But babe, don’t you think you should be a little patient’
‘Patience? till he shocks me one day and says he has another girl, that I should please forgive him abi? Instead I will stand naked in the middle of the night and curse them both. I seem to have lost the last 7years, I’d not be a looser again and let him break up with me first.
‘Hmm, babe, I swear I don’t know what to say, you know your boo is also my padi, but I don’t think you should give up on everything, only God knows how many abortions you’ve had for him ehn’ she teased, touching my stomach.
God forbid, ami ke, please o, I’m still a virgin’ I teased back
‘if I hear, gerout abeg, you’ve probably had enough sex to last three life times’ she replied and the mood began to lighten up as we began to make light the whole situation.
‘I know what would make you better’ she said and grabbed her phone, scrolled down a little and hit play. The song came on and suddenly life came into the room as we began to sing and dance to the music.
‘’Olomo tie your wrapper, lets dance to fuji music, lets dance’’.
We danced until we heard the cry of her youngest child.
Part2
I hadn’t picked le boo’s call in a week and he had not reduced his intensity of calling. I avoided staying at home because I knew he would come. On this very fortunate day for me, Fola and her husband tricked me into seeing them at a restaurant one evening after work. Lo and behold, le boo sat inside, hair rumpled, shirt rumpled, and looking like a dejected lover. Actually he was dejected and my heart went out to him, I wanted to run and hug him and tell him how sorry I am. But trust na, as a Lagos babe, you have to pretend and not sell yourself cheap, else you’d be heading for the shit hole.
I stood there looking at him when I got to his table. ‘what is this, and why did you trick me into coming here, I thought I told you its over since you obviously have no plans for me in your very wonderful life’ I said, half shouting so that everyone in the café was already staring.
Baby please seat down’ he said trying to grab my hands.
Please don’t baby me kankan, in fact I am going’ I said and I tried to turn around. He got up like he was ready for a chase and grabbed my arm.
‘So you want to beat me now abi’
Sweetheart don’t talk like this now haba’ he said, ‘please just sit down for a minute, just give me five minutes and you can go if you want to.
A minute, now five minute, you are very confused o, and who told you I am your sweetheart, I thought we were through with that?
Babe, just calm down and sit’.
Enough pretence for now so I gently sat.
You look so sexy when you are mad’ he said with a sly smile.
Mr. ,Man, your time starts now’ I replied him
I know you still love me, he began.
I faked a yawn and pretended not to be paying attention. Something in my mind began to tell me I was overdoing it, but I was enjoying my little charade.
And you know I love you deeply and there is no one I could ever love’ he continued.
Three minutes more’ I said
I am not creative with words so I’d go straight to my point. Tope, I am never letting you go, my life without you is incomplete don’t you see’
For one who isn’t creative with words, that was really genius’ I said sarcastically.
He took my hands into his from across the table. I know your fears babe, please be rest assured I’d marry you’
Bros, if you haven’t noticed, I am almost 30. When people ask me ‘why are you unmarried’, should I tell them my boyfriend has rest assured me? Na assurances I go chop, abi na assurance go gimme belle? You don’t get do you, you are a man, you can be 35 and be single, I am a woman, people would start saying all sort, but that’s not even the point, baby I want a home, I want to have kids, I want to sleep and wake up with you, after 7years, aren’t you sure I love you, are you not sure I am the one?
You love me? He said blushing from ear to ear
Err.. Did I stutter? I replied
Look outside the window baby’
I turned and almost immediately I wish I didn’t because the scene was too much for me. The car park had been emptied, even my car was missing. How did I not see this coming and how did it all change in seconds.
Lets go outside’ he said and he took my hands and pulled me gently outside. My emotions were already upside down as we walked out of the door.
Right at the center of the parking lot was a big heart shape created by almost a 100 candles; they were burning slowly in the gentle wind. A red carpet lined our way towards the candles. Did I mention my boo has a crazy sense of humour? Out of no where 2 midgets, male and female holding hands walked up to us and handed him a small black box with a pink ribbon.
You trust Lagos people na, lots of people stood and were watching., and I loved the fact that all that attention was on me.
When he untied the ribbon I was already ready to scream my answer.
You know I can not kneel to ask you na’ he said
If you love yourself, lower yourself to the floor’ I replied. He laughed and began to kneel.
Wait’, I said, ‘move away from the red carpet, kneel on the floor proper’
Le boo laughed and did I said. I smiled like a kid with mental disease.
Will you, Temitope, be my…
Yes, yeeees.. I screamed, jumping up and down like a happy kitten.
It wasn’t December 31st yet fire works tore the sky apart in my honor, he got up after fixing the ring carefully. ‘Me and you forever?
‘me and you and if any girl tries to poke her head, I’m chopping it off.
Then we did what they do in the movies, it was a beautiful feeling.
The End.

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Ibadan?

Hey y’all 15days to the end of a very eventful year for me. The highlight of which would be that I graduated from the University at last:). Many low points but I always choose not to dwell on my misfortune, I prefer to speak to God about them, afterall, who else can do miracles like […]

Ibadan?

Hey y’all 15days to the end of a very eventful year for me. The highlight of which would be that I graduated from the University at last:). Many low points but I always choose not to dwell on my misfortune, I prefer to speak to God about them, afterall, who else can do miracles like […]