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PS: The characters potrayed in this post are fictional 🙂
I am breaking up with him’ I told my twinnie, Fola. We both stood in her kitchen eating leftovers of her children’s meal.
Are you mad?’ she screamed at me, dropping the mug so that her tea and the pieces of the mug were sent in different directions of the kitchen floor.
Shhh, you want to wake up your kids? You know how hard it was putting them to sleep’ I said
‘Tope, again, are you mad? Wait sorry you must be mad, without any doubt, you must be’ she said, this time in a much more subdued voice, she knew the last thing she wanted to do was to wake her 2 troublesome kids up. We were the same age, but raising her two kids had made her age almost 5years more than me only after 3years of marriage. The excess fat she carried in her arms, stomach and buttocks was another story.
No, Fola, I am not. What kind of statement is that? I chuckled’. I didn’t know which one made me laugh more, her confused facial expression or her insistence that I was mad.
Tope, you have been going out with this same guy for almost seven years and you chose now to break up? When you are almost 29? Were do you want to start from. How on earth do you intend to break up with him? What do you think people will say? Who will date an old hag like you? Tope, this is a joke right?
I was trying to laugh again but the sound from my throat seemed forced as I stared at my best friend of fifteen years. I wanted to make light the issue.
‘Twinnie, I have been thinking of cool ways to break up, I think Id just walk up to him in his office and just raise up a red card and walk away, or maybe Id post it on his facebook wall’
Fola kept stared blankly, she wasn’t buying any of my jokes so I had to stop. I reached out to her to hug her but she had gotten annoyed and pushed me aside to look for a mop and broom. When she found it I tried collecting one from her but she didn’t budge.
‘Tope, leave me, just leave me’ her eyes were red.
I stood as she cleared the mess. The laughter I tried to create seemed to have offended her, but how would she know that I have also carried the pain of letting my boyfriend go for many weeks.
When she got up, I saw tears rolling down her cheek. I could not hold it any longer again; I let mine roll too for the umpteenth time.
I swear, I’ve tried Fola, I’m just tired, and there is nothing I haven’t tried’. I said amidst hot tears rolling down my cheeks. Fola never could watch me cry, she forgave me instantly. She hurried to where I stood immediately and hugged me, even though I was much taller than she was, she managed to give me a soothing hug.
‘Fola, look at me now, look at me, I am 29, we are the same age and you are married with two kids, two’ I said, holding two fingers in the air. ‘fola, I have hinted him, talked to him about his parents meeting mine, I even took him jewellery shopping once under the guise of buying a new necklace, I thought he’d look at the ring section so that I’d know that there is still hope, bestie, nothing, he was totally nonchalant. He even hurried me up, he said he had somewhere to be. I am no more the young girl of yesterday now. I have so many Ankara’s from friends wedding, I swear if another girl calls me to buy Ankara I will just swear for her’
Fola finally burst into a short laughter. ‘Is it their fault that you are not married, bad belle’
Mchteeew. Babe, I am tired, people are asking questions. The other day my mum called me aside at my cousins wedding and asked if I was planning to make her this happy before she dies, I cried out of the arena babe. The only thing I have not done now is get on one knee and ask Le boo to marry me, and over my dead body, I will never do that.
Fola’s tear rolled slowly down her cheeks, she couldn’t stand seeing me in that much pain, somehow she understood, she always did. ‘But babe, don’t you think you should be a little patient’
‘Patience? till he shocks me one day and says he has another girl, that I should please forgive him abi? Instead I will stand naked in the middle of the night and curse them both. I seem to have lost the last 7years, I’d not be a looser again and let him break up with me first.
‘Hmm, babe, I swear I don’t know what to say, you know your boo is also my padi, but I don’t think you should give up on everything, only God knows how many abortions you’ve had for him ehn’ she teased, touching my stomach.
God forbid, ami ke, please o, I’m still a virgin’ I teased back
‘if I hear, gerout abeg, you’ve probably had enough sex to last three life times’ she replied and the mood began to lighten up as we began to make light the whole situation.
‘I know what would make you better’ she said and grabbed her phone, scrolled down a little and hit play. The song came on and suddenly life came into the room as we began to sing and dance to the music.
‘’Olomo tie your wrapper, lets dance to fuji music, lets dance’’.
We danced until we heard the cry of her youngest child.
I hadn’t picked le boo’s call in a week and he had not reduced his intensity of calling. I avoided staying at home because I knew he would come. On this very fortunate day for me, Fola and her husband tricked me into seeing them at a restaurant one evening after work. Lo and behold, le boo sat inside, hair rumpled, shirt rumpled, and looking like a dejected lover. Actually he was dejected and my heart went out to him, I wanted to run and hug him and tell him how sorry I am. But trust na, as a Lagos babe, you have to pretend and not sell yourself cheap, else you’d be heading for the shit hole.
I stood there looking at him when I got to his table. ‘what is this, and why did you trick me into coming here, I thought I told you its over since you obviously have no plans for me in your very wonderful life’ I said, half shouting so that everyone in the café was already staring.
Baby please seat down’ he said trying to grab my hands.
Please don’t baby me kankan, in fact I am going’ I said and I tried to turn around. He got up like he was ready for a chase and grabbed my arm.
‘So you want to beat me now abi’
Sweetheart don’t talk like this now haba’ he said, ‘please just sit down for a minute, just give me five minutes and you can go if you want to.
A minute, now five minute, you are very confused o, and who told you I am your sweetheart, I thought we were through with that?
Babe, just calm down and sit’.
Enough pretence for now so I gently sat.
You look so sexy when you are mad’ he said with a sly smile.
Mr. ,Man, your time starts now’ I replied him
I know you still love me, he began.
I faked a yawn and pretended not to be paying attention. Something in my mind began to tell me I was overdoing it, but I was enjoying my little charade.
And you know I love you deeply and there is no one I could ever love’ he continued.
Three minutes more’ I said
I am not creative with words so I’d go straight to my point. Tope, I am never letting you go, my life without you is incomplete don’t you see’
For one who isn’t creative with words, that was really genius’ I said sarcastically.
He took my hands into his from across the table. I know your fears babe, please be rest assured I’d marry you’
Bros, if you haven’t noticed, I am almost 30. When people ask me ‘why are you unmarried’, should I tell them my boyfriend has rest assured me? Na assurances I go chop, abi na assurance go gimme belle? You don’t get do you, you are a man, you can be 35 and be single, I am a woman, people would start saying all sort, but that’s not even the point, baby I want a home, I want to have kids, I want to sleep and wake up with you, after 7years, aren’t you sure I love you, are you not sure I am the one?
You love me? He said blushing from ear to ear
Err.. Did I stutter? I replied
Look outside the window baby’
I turned and almost immediately I wish I didn’t because the scene was too much for me. The car park had been emptied, even my car was missing. How did I not see this coming and how did it all change in seconds.
Lets go outside’ he said and he took my hands and pulled me gently outside. My emotions were already upside down as we walked out of the door.
Right at the center of the parking lot was a big heart shape created by almost a 100 candles; they were burning slowly in the gentle wind. A red carpet lined our way towards the candles. Did I mention my boo has a crazy sense of humour? Out of no where 2 midgets, male and female holding hands walked up to us and handed him a small black box with a pink ribbon.
You trust Lagos people na, lots of people stood and were watching., and I loved the fact that all that attention was on me.
When he untied the ribbon I was already ready to scream my answer.
You know I can not kneel to ask you na’ he said
If you love yourself, lower yourself to the floor’ I replied. He laughed and began to kneel.
Wait’, I said, ‘move away from the red carpet, kneel on the floor proper’
Le boo laughed and did I said. I smiled like a kid with mental disease.
Will you, Temitope, be my…
Yes, yeeees.. I screamed, jumping up and down like a happy kitten.
It wasn’t December 31st yet fire works tore the sky apart in my honor, he got up after fixing the ring carefully. ‘Me and you forever?
‘me and you and if any girl tries to poke her head, I’m chopping it off.
Then we did what they do in the movies, it was a beautiful feeling.